don't know

So today is going pretty well. Not really upset about anything. I did find out today that I got the job for the summer camp postion! I am really excited about it. I know it will deffintly be challenging, but i think it will also be rewarding. I have always wanted to work with kids at soem point, so here is my chance. I talked with my dad for a few online, so that was good. I miss my family and i can't wait to go home this weekend! Plus Frankie's Grandma is coming in from the Phillipines to day so she will be there, and Ilove her so i am excited. I've been thinking alot about my couseling session yesterday - i think there are two mre things i need to talk to her about that are effeting me : (1) Frankie and our relationship and (2) my biological father.

With Frankie some times i feel like I am settling, i don't see the passion that i have for a future in him, but can i really judge him because he is not like me, thats is one of the main things that i adore about him. I just tell myself that I am freaking out (as always) I'm afriad of settling, but I am more afraid of throwing away a great thing in my life.

With my Dad, I feel abandoned. How do you just walk away from your kids, how can you jsut leave them and not care. I mean, i know he cares, but it doesn't seem like he cares enough to try. He is mad at me for asking my Dad (Jeff) to adopt me last year, but can he really blame me. He is the reason I cried myself to sleep for so long, he is the reason i have a hard time trusting men. But at the same time, I love him, he will always be my Daddy, and I miss him, and i don't want to go the rest of mylife without not talking to him.

I don't know, sometimes I feel like my life is so screwed up. I know it could a hell of a lot worse and I do have a good head on my shoulders but geeze, can a girl catch a break. Its ok, like my counselor said - I need to put my oxygen mask on before I can help anybody else. I need to focus on me for a while, what is best for AUDREY!!