hhhmmmm

So, yet again, i spent last night crying, and i'm sitting here at work and all i want to do is go home and cry. That seems to be all I am good at latley. I am starting to think about a lot of things in my life . . . which makes me even more stressed, I break out more and then i cry more - its a never ending cycle.

I finally got my schedule for triaing and camp schedule for my new job. I am a summer camp counselor for kids run through the SFA Campus Rec center. I really thought I had nailed the leader position, but of courses i did not get it. I am jsut a camp counselor. In a way thatis kinda like ouch that hurts, but on the other hand I am kinda releived. I mean, i have never worked with children before and I am probably not the most qualified person for the job. Hey I am getting payed, so what do I care.

I am terrified that Frank will not change, i mean how can i change him. . . then he wouldn't be the man i fell in love with - but I deffinely can't live like this. I want to give it time, becuase i know he is smart and driven, he is just lazy - but how much time is enough? How long do i have to let myslef get upset before I walk away. Its not like he does anything on purpose to piss me off - he is actually an amazing boyfriend - which makes all this harder. But I know what I want out of life and I know the kind fo marriage i want- and i know that i don't want to be constantly fighting the same battle. I don't want to feel like i come second to his hobbies and even his dream career. That I can't deal with - I feel like i've expressed this but i can't get it through to him. Is it that I am not conveying my message right or is that he just doesn't want to hear it.

I don't know??!!

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to chagne the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference"