bored

so i am sitting here at work doing nothing - being bored - and wanting to gohome. . . if i didn't need the money so bad i would just leave. I need to get a new job - i miss working at the summer camp - i love the kids i miss the kids. . . scary huh? i want to get apermanent job at the rec center - i want to be active . .. again . .. scary!!

So goal for this summer is to loose wieght - i am not going to set a wieght goal or an amount - i just wnat to get healthy again. In the last couple months with my depression and feeling down and exhausted i let me self go. I didn't take care of myself and i burned through all my money - not i'm stuck in a bad place. though things are looking up there are still alot of things that i am anxious about. .. money/ school/ graduating. . .

why is life so hard? GGRRR

To my oldest sister: i love you, i'm glad we talked the otehr day, i am glad that you and i are becoming closer :) I am praying for you and the decision you have to make! This is proabbly one of the hardest things you may have to do, but just know that you are not in this alone! I wish i could be more help, i wish i could be there in mississippi with you. . . I love you and you will get through this!

To my younger sister: i don't understand you and the decisions you make. . . i don't know if i ever will. It upsets me more than you will ever know that you have decided to walk away from your family. . . for what? some low-life jack ass that will only bring you further down. You are such a smart and beautiful young woman and it pains me to watch you crumble like this. I just pray that in time, hopefully before it is too late that you will snap out of this. I hope you will realize that you can't spend your whole life living pay check to pay check without the meds you need and rely on drugs. . .that will land you in jail, the hospital or sadly the morge . . . please reconsider mom and dads offer - i love you and i am terrified everytime my phone rings that it will bring bad news.

My family is moving, everybody is broke, i have no money, don't know how i will pay for my next semester of school and all i need is to make it until december so i can graduate . .. after that - no clue!