Confusion

So lately I've been feeling really down, for some reason I can't seem to stop crying. Its not that I like being sad, I actually am a very optomistic and happy person. Part of it makes me wonder if i'm bi-polar like everybody else in my family or if i'm just not happy. I don't mean to complain or go on and on about how my life sucks, cuz trust me I know that life could be a hell of a lot worse. But it jsut seems the last year God has certainly been testing me, and everytime Ithink I have made it back to the top and everything is looking good again, my world seems to fall apart.

Latley I feel like a no friends. I have my boyfriend and I have his friends, but sometimes it feels like just that. Like if we were to break up I would have no one. Not even my family. I know that yes they will "alway be there for me" but i can't even keep them on teh phone for 5 minutes before they rush me off. I need advice, i need guidance, i need some one to point me in the right direction and the only person who is around is my boyfriend, who by the way, half the time i can't tell if he really wants to be with me or if its jsut convinient. Mayeb i'm just feeling sorry for myself.

All i want to do is curl up in bed and cry. Maybe next time I'll be feeling a little better :)